Lost in the Haze
by Miss Gypsy Willow
Summary: 'He loves her company, she's so quirky and passionate and a little bit crazy and it's never boring with her around.' Blaine and Rachels future relationship in snippets. Raine, future!fic. Two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Lost in the haze

**Author:** Miss Gypsy Willow

**Summary:** '_He loves her company, she's so quirky and passionate and a little bit crazy and it's never boring with her around.'_ Blaine and Rachels future relationship in snippets.

**Characters:** Blaine, Rachel, Kurt, mentions of Finn and one mention of Quinn

**Pairings:** Blaine/Rachel, illusions of Rachel/Finn and mentions of Blaine/Kurt

**Rating:** M

**Word count:** 2,160

**Timeline:** Future!fic set about 5-8 years in the future.

**Warnings/Spoilers:** Scenes of a sexual nature, coarse language, mentions of slash and spoilers for 2x14

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this story.

**Author's note:** So I've been itching to get in to the Glee fandom for a while now and what better way to start than writing some Raine fic? I adore this ship so much and although on the show it's practically dead now, it can still live on in fandom. I love writing in this style and I think it works for them quite well. And although I adored Blame it on the alcohol, I thought the bi storyline was way too rushed and didn't actually seem convincingly resolved in the end, not that I like or believe in labels anyway so this fic is just about setting things straight in my head but with a twist. Oh and beware of the angst, I swear this started off a lot lighter but by the end became pretty angsty and bitter sweet in a way. Anyway I hope you enjoy and feedback is love.

* * *

They form a good friendship over the years and stay friends even after they both leave Ohio to go off to collage in different places and then become even closer after they move to the same city. There's something about each other that just draws them in, some natural form of chemistry that binds them. (They both learnt in the end that it wasn't such a good thing).

* * *

They become each others drinking partners. When they need to go out-or stay in, whichever-and blow off some steam it's Rachel that Blaine calls and vice versa. He loves her company, she's so quirky and passionate and a little bit crazy and it's never boring with her around. Ideal drinking partner. Ideal friend. (Ideal lover).

* * *

When they go out they hit karaoke bars and sing cheesy eighties numbers that relives the memory of their first duet together back in high school and either makes their audience groan or cheer. They get tipsy but never drunk when they go out because neither of them fancies ending up in a ditch somewhere. When they go to Rachel's apartment- never his seeing as how him and Kurt live together- they get _really_ drunk, totally let go and just get lost in the haze. They also dance _a lot_ and both their drunk dancing is not the best in the world but no one but them is there to see so it dosn't even matter. (Sometimes when they'd dance together and he'd dip her, the air would seem to get heavier around them.)

* * *

There's something about _them_ and _alcohol_ that makes them get weirdly hormonal, in the most lustful of ways. And it dosn't seem to matter any more that she's with Finn and he's with Kurt and most importantly that he's _gay-_or at least that's what he tells himself_. _The buzz takes them over and it feels so, so good to be inside her and hear those breathy, musical moans he likes to think only he can coax out of her and at the same time it's so deliciously _wrong,_ but he can never find it in himself to regret it afterwards. He can't stop coming back for more. And that's the worst thing of all. (Rachel Berry was his addiction and those are hard to give up).

* * *

At least Rachel has an excuse of sorts. Her relationship with Finn is barely even there any more but neither of them can bring themselves to call it quits, desperate to hold on to that illusion of love, so they both screw around. Rachel's told Blaine that she knows Finn cheats on her with an endless list of girls and even a few guys which isn't really all too surprising and she tells him she just has to turn a blind eye because really she's practically doing the same thing and it'd be hypocritical of her to call him out on it. (He never told her once to break up with Finn because the man wasn't good enough for her. He wished he had though). Blaine on the other hand dosn't have any excuse. Because he loves Kurt, he really does and Kurt loves him and all is right in the world when they're together and all that but... he thinks he may be starting to love Rachel too, that thought he's had even before they're drinking sessions turned in to fucking ones. He dosn't think the confusion he's going through-again-is a good excuse at all. (Sometimes he'd wish he'd never met her and then the idea would unsettle him so much that he'd call her right away just to hear her voice).

* * *

He remembers the one date they went on all those years ago to see Love Story at the revival theatre, it was lovely, Rachel looked beautiful-as she always did-and they had fun like he'd began to think he'd never have again, it was refreshing...but it wasn't really that romantic. (He'd never been good with romance and he didn't know about her but she didn't seem to be any good at it either whilst around him. It was their one of many flaws).

* * *

It's whilst he's got her bent over her kitchen table in the middle of the afternoon, pounding in to her that someone knocks on her apartment door. She silences her loud moans immediately and he stills inside of her, both their breathing increasing even more at the new threat of being found out. Blaine wants to mutter harshly, _"Ignore them." _and keep going because he's _so_ close but the more cautious side of him is screaming at him that it would be a very bad idea because, after all the walls in Rachel's building and doors for that matter aren't exactly thick _or_ soundproof. The cautious side wins out because he's not really drunk at the moment, more buzzed.

"Rachel I know you're in there." None other than his boyfriends voice drifts through the wood of the door. His eyes and no doubt Rachel's go wide.

"Shit, shit, shit." He hisses under his breath in a panic as he separates himself from the brunette and starts pulling his clothes on at the fastest pace ever, even faster than the time it took Rachel to get them off him... He shakes his head to clear it of thoughts about what had been going on just moments ago. Rachel mean while has hurriedly been getting dressed too and an unwanted thought for the moment wanders in to his head about just how appealing she looks flushed and panicked. Her brown eyes seem impossibly wide and her hair is an utter mess and her skin is glistening slightly with sweat and colored pink and dear god, he made her look such a mess and it's ridiculously hot... and he's staring at her whilst he should be figuring a way to escape getting caught cheating by his boyfriend. _Crap._ "Your creepy stalker neighbor from across the hall told me you haven't left the apartment in three hours. Actually now that I think about it, you may want to move. That guy should not be able to just observe you like that, it's beyond creepy." Kurt continues to babble on through the door as both he and Rachel frantically glance around for an idea of what to do. "Okay what gives Rach? Answer your door damn it before I break it down- or get stalker guy to break it down for me. He looked pretty tough." Blaine can tell Kurt's losing patience now and they really need to come up with a plan, right away.

"Quick, go hide under my bed! We don't have time for anything else." Rachel suddenly whispers before pushing him down the tiny hall to her bedroom forcefully.

"God, I feel like such a teenager again." He grumbles quietly as he shoots her once last glance.

"Well suck it up tough guy. We don't have another option." She hisses back before whirling around and darting for the door. He gets under her bed pretty quickly after that because she's right, it is their only option if they want to keep all this lies and cheating a dirty little secret between them. He can hear Rachel and Kurt's conversation from him position under her bed.

"Finally. What took you so- _Oh_. Did I interrupt something?" Blaine holds his breath and curses his boyfriends freaky intuition and sight for that matter as he realizes that Rachel hasn't exactly had time to sort her hair out.

"Um." Comes Rachel's reply.

"Oh Finn was here! Makes sense, the stalker guy did say a brunette man came in here with you." Kurt exclaims and Blaine lets out a silent breath of relief as he's sure Rachel does as well.

"Yes! Finn! He was here and we... and now he's gone... to work." Rachel babbles nervously. Thankfully it dosn't seem that Kurt picks up on the level of nervousness.

"To work? But how did he leave?" Kurt retorted with confusion heavy in his voice. Damn it.

"Well he climbed down the fire escape obviously. He was in a hurry." Rachel replies and Blaine wonders if she's been taking Quinn Fabray lessons on lying and hopes to god she hasn't. He's heard the stories of that girls lies and they never worked out well. But then again lying full stop never tends to work out well. "Now why exactly are you here? Not to be rude or anything." Rachel pushes on in a smart move of distraction. Maybe they have a chance yet. (But maybe it was just the beginning of the end.)

* * *

"I can't do this anymore Blaine." Her words come out loud and harsh sounding in the silence. "Kurt's my friend and he loves you and you love him and I really don't want to be responsible for breaking his heart." She continues and he sighs heavily. She dosn't bring Finn in to all of this. They're sitting on a park bench, both completely sober for once. The chilling autumn air stings his exposed skin. It's only been about a week since they almost got found out and obviously it has been a wake up call to Rachel. He wishes it hasn't though because the thought of losing her is just as bad as the thought of losing Kurt.

"I love you." He says quietly and with the silence that follows he wonders if she even heard him at all.

"No you don't." She speaks just as quietly and she has such a harsh edge to her words that it actually hurts him. He turns to look at her, hold her in his gaze. She looks so sad and so tired and it's all his fault really. "We're only even ever attracted to each other when we've consumed alcohol anyway. It wasn't ever going to work out and now it's over so it's best we just go our separate ways and-" He cuts her off, placing his hands on either side of her face.

"Are we sober now?" He asks, his heart cracking from her words. She looks up at him with wide eyes and nods slowly. He brings their lips together and it's exactly like all those times they've kissed whilst under the influence, just like he thought it would be, just like it was all those years ago in the coffee shop where he had been too afraid to admit it afterwards.

"Don't make this harder than it already is." She murmurs against his lips before drawing sharply away from him. He watches as she gets to her feet and flees the park without a backwards glance. (He didn't expect the end to come so soon.)

* * *

Him and Kurt don't work out in the end. He's both shocked and heartbroken over this and often wonders where it all went wrong and often comes to the conclusion that it stems from his affair with Rachel. Not that Kurt ever finds out about that. She had left town shortly after she'd broken things off with him and without her he feels himself falling in to a downward spiral. He starts depending on the alcohol more than what's probably healthy but it doesn't seem to matter under the circumstances. Kurt tries to help him all to no avail and in the end he gives up, gives up on him, gives up on their relationship. Blaine doesn't blame him really, everyone leaves him. But it's enough to give him his own wake up call at least. He cuts down on the drinking straight away. After all he isn't an alcoholic or anything, just indulges in drinking too much. But he's still lost everyone he loves and in the first time in a long time he misses his family. He travels back to Ohio and it's so strange to be back in his childhood home after all these years being apart from it. He spends all his time with his family, catching up and rekindling bonds and it's so easy and refreshing. Then one day when out picking up some groceries for his mother he catches sight of an all too familiar petite brunette across the street. She catches sight of him too and hesitates for only a moment before she_ smiles_. (It was the beginning of a new chapter for them.)

* * *

_The end._

_It would be just lovely if you could hit the review button and tell me what you thought. I am toying with the idea of adding another chapter to this showing Rachel's side of things but it all depends on if anyone would be interested in seeing that. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Lost in the haze (Rachel's Pov)

**Word count: **3,044

**Warnings/Spoilers:** Sexual references, coarse language, mentions of slash, sensitive subject matter (can't say what because it'd spoil it) and spoilers for 2x14

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this story.

**Author's note:** First off I'd like to offer a huge thank you to all of you who reviewed, faved and alerted or just read. I've never had such a popular response to my stories and it's a really great feeling so thank you. So I present to you Rachel's pov on that matter which I found is actually quite different from Blaine's and contrasts quite well-or so I hope. Unbeta'd so if you spot a typo let me know and I'll fix it, I hate missing typos. Anyway enjoy and feedback is love, love, love.

* * *

She's always told herself that she's never going to drink again after everything that happened at her party junior year and the whole getting thrown up on thing only helps back up her promise to herself. But she always slips a couple of times a year until she just says, _"Fuck it"_ and stops trying _not_ to drink anymore. Consequences be damned, sometimes you just gotta lose yourself in the haze and what better person to do that with than one Blaine Anderson? (They were both dealing with shit, her never feeling loved by Finn and him still so confused about who he really was. Together with bottle after bottle of tequila-amongst other liquids-they helped each other, in a strange and twisted way.)

* * *

The moment it hits her that her and Blaine don't have the most platonic of relationships is when they stay out all night and wander home at dawn, stopping in the park to watch the sunrise. She's got her heels dangling from one hand and he's clutching her other in his, fingers lazily entwined together. She suddenly thinks that if someone were to pass by and see them they'd assume they were lovers instead of friends. She wonders if that's what they're meant to be; future lovers. Or are they lovers already? Or is all this just in her head? She gives his hand a squeeze before dragging him away. They turn their backs on the sunrise, almost like they're running from it. (It was one week, three days and six hours later that they officially started sleeping together and she was still a little surprised. Even with all the foreshadowing.)

* * *

The guilt she expects to feel every time he kisses the corner of her mouth or neck or thigh, every time she sighs his name as he sighs hers, every time she lays tangled up in the sheets against him afterwards, tracing song lyrics on his chest; never comes. And she thinks she must be seriously messed up if she can't feel any guilt over continuously helping Blaine cheat on his boyfriend, on one of her best friends. (But then she always had been a selfish creature when it came down to it.)

* * *

They're relationship isn't healthy. She knows that. How can it be when it's built on alcohol induced lust and bitterness-at least on her part-and just the strong need to matter to someone in such a way? But then she dosn't think she's ever been in a healthy relationship in her short life and at least in this one Blaine actually cares about her in more than a good lay sort of way. (There was love amongst everything else but it got so deeply buried that she herself didn't even identify it until it was too late.)

* * *

Blaine's amazing, she's known that since the moment she first saw him sing. But he's not perfect. She thinks he wants everyone to think he is, with that dapper attitude of his and charming ways he managed to maintain throughout high school and beyond but she spends an awful lot of time with him now and to the contrary all their time is _not_ spent screwing each other senseless-although it's a very high percentage. They talk, it's always been so easy to talk to each other and open up and share and all that. So she's pretty sure she's one of the few people that actually knows him properly. She's also pretty sure that she shouldn't be so deeply connected to her fuck buddy-because that's what he is when it comes down to it and secretly she wishes it wasn't so but she'll admit it's better than nothing. No matter how many people it may hurt in the long run. (In the end it was surprisingly no one but themselves that payed the price for their affair. Only they got really hurt and she often wonders if it was even worth it.)

* * *

Her wake up call comes in the form of Blaine's boyfriend and her best friend; Kurt Hummel, knocking on her apartment door as the two brunettes engage in less than innocent activities on her kitchen table. It's all a mad rush after they hear his voice float through the door and her heart is beating so quickly out of fear it almost feels like she may have some kind of heart attack. She throws on her winning show smile and attempts to push back the fear as she swings her door open to greet her friend who's boyfriend she's been fucking for a little short of six months. Yeah she's the _best friend ever_. Kurt greets her with a not quite overly annoyed glare before getting over her slowness of answering her door once he discovers what he thinks he interrupted. She feels a spike of unexpected guilt at the mention of Finn's name which is ridiculous because _he_ should not be the one that makes her feel guilty about the situation for the first time ever when he does far worse behind her back-but it's not important right then. Turns out Kurt came to invite her to a 'little' halloween party he's hosting in two weeks time, deciding to do so personally as he happened to be stopping by her building. She asks how he even got buzzed in and he informs her it was her creepy stalker neighbour and tells her once again that it may be a good idea to move with freaks like that around. He then asks her if she's seen Blaine recently because he can't seem to get a hold of him despite them living together and then-_right_ then, all the guilt she should of been feeling for months washes over her all at once and she wants to cry because she's been such a horrible person and how could she even think about hurting Kurt like this? Luckily Kurt leaves before the tears fall and she feels utterly hollow and a little sick when Blaine comes out of his hiding place and pulls her in to a hug. (She didn't realise that the queasy feeling wasn't so much down to the guilt but something else entirely. And in the end she never made it to that halloween party of Kurt's.)

* * *

Two days later and she feels like her life has just ended and it's all down to two little and all too clear blue lines on a white stick. _Pregnant._ She takes another test. _Pregnant._ She takes another._Pregnant._.. Yep her life just ended because she can not have her gay best friends boyfriends love child. She just can't. It's far too soap opera for her in a way that's not even funny but so tragically _sad_. She cries herself to sleep and throws up the following morning. All her dreams of being a broadway star feel utterly crushed because she can't possibly work with a bastard child on the way and for the first time ever she can sort of understand why Shelby gave her up when she was just a baby. But the difference between her and her mother is that she cannot physically give birth to this child. It's not right and it'll break Kurt's heart far more than it would for him to find out she and the love of his life have been involved in some sordid love affair. (She made her decision then and there and regretted it for the rest of her life. The expression, like mother like daughter never seemed so fitting.)

* * *

She has to end this, all of it. The affair, the baby, everything. Not just for herself or Blaine or hell, even Finn but for Kurt. This mess she's created, he just dosn't deserve to be on the receiving end of it. She's going to end whatever it is that's between her and Blaine then she's going to leave town, terminate her pregnancy and try to forget about it all and live her life far away from the mess she knows she'll leave behind. But first she has to confront Finn.

"I'm going out to meet Blaine." She says as she ties the bright red scarf-which is in such stark contrast to her grey mood-around her neck. Finn is strangely at her apartment, actually spending time with her-or rather spending time with her television.

"Okay honey." She _hates_ being called 'honey' but what she hates even more is how he dosn't take his eyes off the game playing out on her television to speak to her.

"Don't you care?" She asks bitterly, suddenly having enough with it all. He still dosn't turn to face her.

"Why would I care?" He asks in such typical oblivious Finn fashion that she used to find incredibly endearing but now finds terribly annoying now that their relationship is so tainted. She grits her teeth angrily before answering.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I've been sleeping with him for the past six months?" _This_ gets his attention. He stands up from his seated position on her couch and whirls round to face her, jaw slack. She feels hope flutter in her chest for a fraction of a second at the thought that just maybe this will get his attention in her enough to realise that he might still love her and he might still need her. She's desperate right now and despite everything she dosn't want to lose absolutely everything.

"When you say sleeping..." Finn trails off and she almost wants to scream in frustration.

"I mean screwing, fucking, intercourse, tumbling around in the goddam hay. _Having. Sex. With._" She explodes, her voice raising in to a shout. Stunned silence follows her outburst as they stare at each other.

"How could you?" He finally asks quietly and just when she thinks her anger has bubbled away it boils right back up to the surface again.

"How could _I_?" She spits, utterly outraged. "You're one to talk! I know about how you've been screwing around behind my back even before I started anything with Blaine. I'm not stupid you kno-" She's cut off however before she can go in to full rant mode.

"I don't mean to me." He interjects and any hope she might of had for their relationship gets completely exterminated in the next few moments. "Hell I think we both know this-this 'relationship' we're in is an utter joke!" He continues and she'd be lying if she said that his words don't fracture her already cracking heart even just a little bit. "I mean, how could you do this to Kurt?" He exclaimed in the disappointed and disapproving tone she's always hated so, so much. When he uses that tone it's like he thinks he's better than her or some twisted bullshit. She can feel the blind fury coursing through her very veins.

"Don't you dare!" She hisses, fists clenched. "I am ending things with Blaine precisely because of that; even though I'm pretty sure that I lo-" She catches herself there from spilling out the one thing that she hasn't even been consciously aware of until she almost says it. She dosn't love him. Does she? No. It was just a fling between friends, nothing more. Love isn't even on the radar for them. "You know what? It dosn't matter." She says, feeling so very tired all of a sudden. She crosses the space to her apartment door and lingers as she opens it. "We're over Finn. Me and you. And I'm leaving town." She whispers, knowing he'll hear her regardless. She looks over her shoulder at him then and is hurt by Finn Hudson for the last time as he dosn't even look particularly upset at her statement. Just angry and even then it's over the fact that she's been hurting his step brother. It makes her wonder if he ever did really love her at all. "Oh and don't you dare even think about telling Kurt about Blaine and I. Because I'm sorting all this mess out and his heart dosn't deserve to be broken because of some stupid affair." She on purpose misses out the 'meaningless' because she can't bring herself to lie anymore. With that she storms out the door and carries on her decent to heartbreak hotel. (Her final break up with Finn wasn't the most painful thing in her life but it sure as hell ranked high on the list.)

* * *

Blaine tells her he loves her in the park and that sentence should be the start of some ridiculous love story-musical with them as the main leads but it isn't. Because she's trying to end their relationship and she's carrying his unwanted child-which deep down she knows she should tell him about but is too scared to let the words tumble out. And the declaration hurts her far more than they fill her with joy when it should be the other way round, when the hurt part shouldn't even come in to it at all. She allows herself to say it back to him in her head. She can't say it out loud though otherwise her plan to sort the mess out will never get resolved and it damn well needs to be.

"No you don't." She answers his _'I love you'_ with in a much harsher tone than she meant to. The look on his face makes her want to cry, it's not even just like a kicked puppy but a puppy that's been abused by it's owners then kicked out of the car along the high way to fend for it's self. She hates that she made him look-feel like that. "We're only even ever attracted to each other when we've consumed alcohol anyway. It wasn't ever going to work out and now it's over so it's best we just go our separate ways and-" She begins tha mantra she's been repeating over and over in her head since walking out of her apartment but is cut off as he reaches out and places his hands either side of her head.

"Are we sober now?" He asks his voice firm, his eyes questioning and desperate. She can only nod and let what's about to happen, happen. He brings their lips together, their warm breath mingling together for a fraction of a second before they meet in an all consuming kiss. The kiss is desperate, a crash of tongues and teeth and she can feel him seeking out answers she can't give him but wants to do so terribly. There's no softness in it, no hesitation. This is a goodbye kiss between two doomed lovers and she knows that he knows this too but it dosn't make it any easier.

"Don't make this harder than it already is." She murmurs against his lips before drawing sharply away from him. This is it. This is the end and in typical dramatic fashion she flees the scene with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes. (Again it wasn't the most painful thing in her life, no that was yet to come but running away from Blaine was certainly in the top three.)

* * *

The night after the abortion is, hands down the worst of her life. She's an utter sobbing, mess and she can't get over how guilty and regretful she feels over the decision. She's moved back to Lima and moved back in with her dads and she never leaves the house, before and after the abortion. Not even curling up on the sofa with a tub of non-dairy ice cream and watching Sweet Charity can cheer her up. She's told her dads the whole story and they've been surprisingly sympathetic with her, she'd suspected them to be angry and disappointed with her but upon hearing her news they just pulled her in for a tight hug and told her everything was going to be okay. She dosn't believe them. (Yes that's right, killing her unborn baby was the most painful thing in her entire life. If she had a time machine she'd of went back a thousand times to stop herself from going through with it. But during those thoughts she never once for a second thought about going back to stop her and Blaine getting together in the first place.)

* * *

One year to the day she abandoned Blaine in that park she spots him leaving the Lima grocery store, brown bag in hand. She stops, frozen across the street and just stares at him for a moment. He looks good, better than she remembers. His hair isn't gelled back like it always used to be but is softly curling naturally and a little longer than a year ago. It brings back memories of her party junior year and how the more wasted he got the more mused up his hair became. He must of been able to feel her eyes on him because suddenly he's turned his head and is looking right at her. He looks surprised, and happy to see her and she can't help the smile that tugs at her lips. (They had a lot more to go through, feelings to talk about and problems to resolve but that moment, staring across the street at each other for the first time in a year was the fresh start for them and for once everything worked out alright in the end.)

* * *

_The end._

_Reviews make my world go round and I'd like to clarify that this is the official end but I am going to try and write more Raine fic so keep a look out ;)_


End file.
